So I’ve been into spirituality fairly from the beginning of this journey about 2 years ago, ever since I was introduced to the concept of thoughts create reality, the law of attraction and the secret. But there’s always been a disconnect or doubt of its applicability in different situations in my life. In some moments the knowledge would just go right out the window, particularly in situations that seem far from being “spiritual”, ex: parties, bars, interaction with women, guy friends, etc. I would lose awareness and drop back into the “human drama”.
Now I find myself going back to the spiritual truths and this time attempting to actually embodying these truths in all areas of my life. I’m really listening and imagining what it would be like to actually live as an enlightened being. To live from the presence of my being, and experiencing it’s natural joy. To experience life fully at every moment with full acceptance of what is.
I have been particularly attracted to teachings of Burt Harding: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8zq_qbzxk
and Sri Bhagavan http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=CfbUArA03VE
Two very great videos on what I am learning right now, to surrender into the moment and being with what is.
“Whatever you are struggling against take a deep breath, smile, and allow it. It is only the limited part of you trying to overcome something that can only be overcome by allowing that struggle, by being, by surrender, by forgiveness. Once you begin to understand this a whole new life will open up for you.” -Burt Harding
“Such joy in just seeing what is going on inside. That’s all there is to life. What is life? Seeing what is going on inside.” “Again don’t try to be authentic, really be authentic, only then miracles will happen, only then you become a great being, then the benediction comes on you, the blessing” “Because you are untruthful, therefore inauthentic, therefore you are never seeing what is going on inside yourself, therefore you need external things to keep going.” -Sri Bhagavan
I went to the bar the other day, girl I knew from high school came there unexpected, we talked for a bit then I took off to get some beer, I was feeling some fear and anxiety of trying to “do it right” and to keep the conversation flowing smoothly, fear of awkward silence. I did something different this time, I took a moment to check in with what I was feeling in my body, and accepting them as it is. I went to the bathroom, closed my eyes and took deep breaths to re-establish presence and ground and center myself. This is something SPG talked about doing at bars. I came out of the bathroom and noticed people turning their heads, I noticed the hot bartender and the waitress looking at me, and asking me if I needed anything. I saw that the girl I was talking to was now sitting with her friends at a table with bunch of other people from high school, the table was full so it was just me and my two guy friends that I came to the bar with sitting at a different table talking. I was focused on having a good time, and bullshitting with my friends, joking, laughing, etc but I did feel doubts and worry come up about whether I should go talk to her or not, but I just let the situation as it is, and held my space.
Eventually the girl came to me, and we ended up sitting right next to each other, we made a solid connection, she was telling me all about herself, and about her future and what she plans to do after she graduates. It was funny while we talked, other guys would try interrupting our conversation and this one guy was actually being a complete deuchebag towards me which I called him out on, and later on told me “I’m sorry.”
This week I also made solid connections with two other girls, one I met randomly at the bar and the other I met at my counselling class for my probation.
All of them showing attraction towards me, and I’m just being…me.
And the focus has been shifting… less and less from “wanting attraction to happen” or “wanting girls” to “wanting to become my best self.” to live embodying the spiritual truths, to live in joy of presence…