“Don’t be afraid to face your inner suffering.”

Just watched the movie, Inception, last night.  The movie was fucking awesome.  The movie had many juicy concepts that I’m really into, the conscious & subconscious mind, inspiration versus someone else’s idea, dreams, awakening, reality (is it real?), creation of reality (architect, or creator), facing one’s own inner demons(facing guilt, regret), and finally Letting go.

In the climax the main character, Leonardo Dicaprio, has to face his inner demons, things he’s been holding onto in his subconscious, the guilt, the regret, and finally embrace them and let them go.   In order to win, or else he’s forever lost in the darkness of his own subconscious…

Elen Page (I love her) is one of the side characters that finds out about Dicaprio’s hidden demons, and tells him “You have to face them.”  and “You have to forgive yourself”

What a perfect movie for what I am going through in my own life…This is the work I’ve been doing recently is to fully embrace my deepest fears and “burning through them”.  I realize I have always been running away from these fears all my life.  Fear of being alone, manifested it’s ways in me desperately “trying” to get better with women, attempting to pull someone in to cover up this fear.  Fear of being different, fear of being rejected, all these fears…and instead of completely embracing them, feeling them fully and becoming okay with the feeling, so they can just course through my being and let go of naturally.  The feelings were covered up, neglected, and thus they have become “stuck”, impeding my growth, and my ways of being.

It’s interesting that just yesterday(before I went to watch Inception, and I had no idea what that movie was about) I was inspired to upload this video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB2gifGa7Ho Which I’ve seen over a year ago but now that I’m doing this work I remembered this lady and her message and saw it as another confirmation for my work…she explains her mystical experience where she hears this strong inner voice that tells her… “Don’t be afraid to face your inner suffering.”  And she explains that’s all one has to do, is to just be with it.

Eliza Mada Dalian is another spiritual teacher that comes back to me at this time.  I’ve resonated with her message in the past and I’ve even ordered & read her book, In Search of the Miraculous, an amazing book on life and the human journey that we are all on…the journey of becoming more conscious, anyway she is what I considered to be self realized, enlightened, or awakened.  She can read thought forms in the body and see where the body is blocked and what thought forms are blocking it, her healing method (The Dalian Healing Method) is about finding these blockages and expressing it out loud, and facing the fear behind the blockage. And she says by expressing the fear out loud over and over again which is the process of peeling the skin of the onion, you’re finally able to get to the prize, the inner core of our being.  Watch the video,Feel the fear, face the fear. http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=y6jqTd89tGY

Her whole healing method is this, using consciousness to heal.  Watching the fear, bringing attention to that part of the body where the fear resides, breathing into it, expressing it out loud, and after a while the consciousness realizes that it is not the fear, and for the first time it is feeling it fully(becoming aware of it finally), it can then finally let it go.

I’ve only just begun this process of burning through my inner suffering.  My first couple times I actually sat down and imagined my worst fear, the worst case scenario, and feeling the raw fear of it in my body fully in this moment, and dealing with it, has produced some of the most intense feelings in my body.  Clenching tightness in my solar plexus, aching pains in my heart chakra, while thoughts of what caused these pains would pop up into my consciousness, I keep bringing my awareness back to the body, to the feelings.  The key is to bring more appreciation, honor, and love for the feeling, which allows for more and more of that feeling to come up.  And using breath to enhance awareness and to move it.  I felt extreme emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, etc.  But at the same time there’s a loving compassionate side of me that is watching these emotions come and go.  giving acceptance for these feelings and this part of me, and thanking this part of me for trying to protect me, from the bottom of my heart.

This is the path to true self love.  Loving myself even in times of “bad” or “negative” emotions or feelings.  I’m finding out that all feelings are valuable.  They should all be embraced, there is a new reality opening up for me.  To be in Joy even to feel the “bad” feelings.  It’s really becoming more conscious.  More aware of myself in the moment.  This is Tantra!

This act of witnessing is the ticket to my inner, immortal being.  and I’m learning to feel the natural joy of this being.

“See the emotions like a storm that is passing through, and you are the sky.” -SPG

Much to learn. Much burning ahead.


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