“One lesson I want to impart on you is that you are not the man you have been. There is inside you a much deeper you, a core essence that is uniquely you and which is divine and indestructible. How you choose to express that inner core in the world is entirely up to you. There are no limitations to who you can be aside from those you choose to place on yourself. I know that concept may be difficult to swallow all at once, so I invite your questions and we can delve deeper into this concept going forward, but let’s start with that. Osho says “All personality as such is mask.” That means who you are being, how you are showing up in the world, is a costume which covers your inner essence. Contemplate the elegance of Osho’s teaching as you go through the rest of this.”
“See yourself as a shining inner light. With that analogy, you can consider your personality is a sheer canopy that goes over the light to provide a certain shade of your essence to the world. Ask yourself if you like the way your light is shining in the world. If not, how would you prefer your light to shine?
Everyone is infinitely valuable. That includes you.” (Excerpt from my coaching work with SPG)
While reading this, I got an image of this bright *shinning*, golden light (I’ve seen this image before…) and it urged me to get to know it better, so I decided to meditate on this image…
It’s this beautiful golden ball of light with dazzling light rays coming off of it, when I see it in my mind’s eye, I get a feeling of it’s power and divinity. This feeling is most strong in my heart. It’s pulsing with energy and it’s very much alive, and as I zoom out, I can also see this old, dirty, brown canopy with bunch of holes in it that’s floating and hovering over this light, altering it’s rays of light in certain ways as the light passes through the holes. As I continue to meditate, now focusing more and more on the feeling in my heart, the feeling began to grow stronger and heavier. I also see the ball of light pulsing harder and growing larger, I continue to focus on the feeling more and more. I can see that the canopy is flimsy, it has too many holes in it, it’s now crinkling under the heat and the pulse of the light. The canopy gradually turns to dust and diminishes, and the light completely blows all of it away. I feel great warmth in my heart, and it too is now expanding throughout my body, I notice the slight tightness in my stomach relaxing..My mind is calm and relaxed, there is this deep inner intuitive feeling that tells me I truly am so much larger and bigger than who I have been, or who I am now in this moment, and this light is truly infinitely powerful, & infinitely creative. I then began to imagine all the ways I can decide to be. I got glimpses of different social situations where I am fully claiming my divinity and allowing this light to shine out into the world. I am uniquely expressive, I am uniquely funny, I am loving and caring, I am confident like a king, I am light on my step.
Still in meditation, I come to a realization that I have done this before, I got images of when I did this in the past, I have seen what happens when I just let this light shine, people fell in love with me. And I got this knowingness that I can bring more and more of this light out… in the future, and I also know that this light can create the personality that I most desire to be. I also realized somewhere along the way I bought into the BS of society…about how people should be in order to be attractive, and instead of thinking, “yeah I can choose to be that.”, I judged myself as NOT because I thought I didn’t know how. I came up with excuses like “I don’t have as much experience as other guys.” I threw up false canopies borrowed from other people, over my light. The light got dimmer. Maybe it was a fear of failure or possibly a fear of my own greatness of this light itself? I held onto the past as an excuse, I looked at every little thing that didn’t go the way I wanted and judged them as “failures” or “bad” and I, MYSELF, came up with the idea that there is something lacking and that I need a “fix” and fill this lack with something. With this premise, I developed doubt for my light, and I was unsure and confused of my light, still this light would shine through from time to time, and that alone has served as an inspiration to keep going on this journey, because deep down inside I always knew of my greatness. I’m not really sure where all of this doubt have accumulated, or where, and to be honest I don’t really care. What’s most important to me in this moment is coming in contact with this light within me, right now I’m feeling a whole new level of love for myself. I’m seeing that the feeling of lack was false based on illusion, and that I can choose to be fulfilled and complete now. It’s rejuvenating. I’ve read many spiritual people talk about this before, but I’m finally starting to get it. Starting to feel it experientially. Very cool, I am gonna keep meditating on this and keep accessing this awesome feeling for the next several days, expand on it as much as possible. Make it(the feelings of being complete, whole, and powerful) part of my being more and more.
Now am I gonna be fully confident and doubt free forever? I don’t think so, that’s not realistic, but as I come to know this light within more and more I am gaining more and more confidence that I will be able to handle new challenges that may arise, I can Burn through the doubts. I will allow my body to feel them fully, welcoming all the tension of the doubts and fears in my body fully, thank the part of me for the feeling, learn the lesson, and let it go with love and acceptance.
So the big lesson here is this. The man I most desire to be has been inside me all along. I doubted myself because I thought I didn’t have “enough” experience, and that I thought I need to do more, I need to learn more, I need more from the outside to become this man. I need a hot women in my life to be like him. I need approval of my male friends to be like him, they need to know I hook up with a ton of chicks before I can be him.
But I realize I don’t NEED SHIT, it was all an illusion, all false thinking. Nothing I thought to be true was true at all. I realized that this light can create and BE anything I want RIGHT NOW. There was nothing stopping me but ME, MYSELF!!!, all I had to do was give myself the permission.
Better yet, this man is ALREADY within me, waiting to be acknowledged and uncovered from all the BS. And even better yet, this man is the real me. All other less ways of being was the fake, inauthentic self. How do I know this to be true? Because I remember the feelings of what it was like being him… and flashes of what happened to my world when I was him, …it was fucking epic. As a matter of fact, I can feel him inside me right now, in fact I am partly him right NOW in this moment. And he is one bad ass mother fucker.
This is ultimately THE BIG BANG shift in approach and mindset to personal development, a great fucking realization…. Hell yes.