I’m gaining deeper understanding of Michael Brown’s Presence Process and what it means to grow up emotionally, by listening to seminar audio recordings.
“Containment means I’m not gonna sedate it, I’m not gonna control it, I’m not gonna try and feel any other way than I’m feeling, I’m going to allow myself to feel the anger, however I’m not going to tell the story, even if the story gets told I’m not going to believe it… and I’m not going to enter the behavior around it, BUT I’m not going to force myself to not feel what I’m feeling because what I’m feeling is valid. In fact it’s a gift to Me. It’s a blessing. It’s grace.”
(This following excerpt is taken from track number 12 titled: Containment, http://www.thepresenceportal.com/12.%20Containment.mp3)
“There’s an image of the Madonna and the child. That image is the image of containment, it’s also the image of compassion. The Madonna is not saying “how did you get here?”, “how old are you?”, “how long are you gonna be in my arms?”, “do I shake you this way?”, “or that way?”
…ok so the Madonna and the child is containment, it is… “I’m going to cradle this in my awareness, I’m gonna hold it in awareness, I’m gonna cradle, because out of the cradle comes the child, the birth. The child returns out of the cradle. So I hold it in the cradle and be with it. And initially it may escape out of my awareness because I’m so used to every time my attention goes onto that feeling, I push it away. I sedate it. I control it. I’ve invalidated it my whole life. That’s why it’s come out unconsciously, as symptoms, as encounters in the world that are uncomfortable, as upsetting events in my life.
But I hold an awareness of it and I sit with, I just be with it. I watch it like I watch a bird in a tree. I watch it the same way I listen to a song on the radio. When we’re listening to a song on the radio we’re not trying to change the song. You can’t change the song by listening to it. You can’t determine the bird’s behavior by the way you watch it. It’s a complete letting go. I listen to it with my feeling body. I’m listening with the ears of my heart. Feeling is listening with the heart. So I’m listeninggg to that. To that piece of music that I do not like to listen to. “I want anything else but listen to that note.” But I’m listening to it, and by listening to it. I’m beginning a digestion process. I begin to digest it.”
I’m really diving deep into this, and exploring it. More and more I’m able to just sit with what is, and contain it. I’m feeling so much more these days, so much more deeply. I can see subtle shifts taking place. Feeling a lot of pain and sadness around my heart, but just being with it, and sometimes I see the energy move and it gives me this almost orgasmic feeling up my spine, and other times it’s just plain painful and the pain seems endless. I’m allowing this process to unfold as it wants, having faith that the process is facilitated in perfect timing by my divine presence. Dropping the desire for shifts to happen. and just practicing Being.
I’m now coming to the end of week 2 of presence process and so far one thing I have noticed is that I’m becoming more and more comfortable just being alone, and accepting the moment as it is. Actually finding moments where I’m feeling great just being with myself. Is this the consequences of me consciously working with my fears of being alone, and sadness of being alone? or I’m comforting myself now through these uncomfortable feelings by just being with it, instead of reacting to them, and trying to escape. It’s okay to feel whatever feeling is arising…and they are all valid and valuable to me, that alone is comforting.
More will follow.