Wait… it was already in me?

I will tell you, you can fully love and accept yourself as you are, right now. You can feel infinite gratitude for being who you are in this very moment. Without changing one thing you do, without ever having sex with a woman, without acquiring anything, you can feel that security, that sense of wholeness and personally powerful. Because you are.

Becoming erotically empowered is as much about loving the man you are and owning the sexiness that’s already in you as it is about evolving into the man you want to be.” -SPG (more excerpts from my coaching work with SPG)

This message is bringing me so much clarity on this journey that I am on. I am realizing that this journey never was about “fixing” anything, for to “fix” would mean that there was something “broken”. There never was anything “broken”. There never was anything “lacking” about me or my life. There was only aspects of myself that I didn’t fully own and claim as mine. This journey never was about going from “un-fulfillment” (Seeing myself as “broken” or “lacking certain qualities”) to “fulfillment” (Getting a “fix” or something to fill the “lack”). This universe is about expansion, from one moment of fulfillment births the next moment of fulfillment. The grateful person becomes even more grateful. The rich gets richer. The sexy man becomes even more sexy. This is being in the flow. This is moving down stream. This is law of nature. This is using law of attraction for personal growth and evolution!!!

There is this HUGE shift that’s taking place in me, and this shift is about me finally owning the sexiness that’s already in me.

This is about being sexy now and becoming even more sexy as I evolve.

This is about finally being whole and perfect now, and to that wholeness adds more wholeness. Life begins to expand in all directions. The wealthy consciousness creates and adds on more wealth.

“Be blissful and you will attract wealth” -Paramahamsa Nithyananda (I made a video recently of him watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2MP_yiIuVw )

Without having to do any exercises (visualization, affirmation, etc) which is part of the “evolution” part (it serves its rightful place and purpose), without having to change ANYTHING, without getting any ‘results’ in the outside world, without getting any approval or confirmation, …I …Just Simply …Feel …Fucking …Incredible and far more sexier than I’ve felt in a while.

You know, I usually feel extra sexy when I get results from the outside, getting looks (eye contact) from girls, women approaching me, drunk dancing and make outs at the bar LOL, … They all serve me and my mindset well but this is a whole new level of awesomeness, being able to access “sexiness” by going within. It’s so liberating and so awesome to just feel that sexy man inside me whenever I’m doubting myself. I can just relax again, go back into presence and deep stomach breathing that I’ve been working on.

When I am in touch with this sexy man inside me, I notice that I’m doing things a little different… I notice a difference in my interaction with people, how I carry myself, my voice (seems deeper, louder, clearer), and I’m finding myself questioning habitual behaviors (and thoughts) of mine that aren’t in alignment with this “sexy” self. (Note that I’m “noticing” these things, I’m not trying to act a certain way, it just seems to “happen”.)

It just feels good! And I want to make it more and more part of my being.  As SPG is teaching me, the key is to feel it more and more. More to explore on this…stay tuned.

You can feel infinite gratitude for being who you are in this very moment.”

Yes…I’m realizing that I truly can!!! Thank the gods!

This is a big evolutionary step in my Life.  Loving and accepting who I am now, and feeling *infinite gratitude* for myself, having the sense of wholeness and powerful being that I am.  I’m waking up to the truth.  So it is.



“Let me be very clear, you can never go from un-fulfillment to fulfillment. That is a big bogus misunderstanding. Only fulfillment births next moment of fulfillment.”

“When you are whole, you are holy.” – Paramahamsa Nithyananda

Hello Light, I’ve seen you before…

“One lesson I want to impart on you is that you are not the man you have been. There is inside you a much deeper you, a core essence that is uniquely you and which is divine and indestructible. How you choose to express that inner core in the world is entirely up to you. There are no limitations to who you can be aside from those you choose to place on yourself. I know that concept may be difficult to swallow all at once, so I invite your questions and we can delve deeper into this concept going forward, but let’s start with that. Osho says “All personality as such is mask.” That means who you are being, how you are showing up in the world, is a costume which covers your inner essence. Contemplate the elegance of Osho’s teaching as you go through the rest of this.”

See yourself as a shining inner light. With that analogy, you can consider your personality is a sheer canopy that goes over the light to provide a certain shade of your essence to the world. Ask yourself if you like the way your light is shining in the world. If not, how would you prefer your light to shine?

Everyone is infinitely valuable. That includes you.” (Excerpt from my coaching work with SPG)


While reading this, I got an image of this bright *shinning*, golden light (I’ve seen this image before…) and it urged me to get to know it better, so I decided to meditate on this image…

It’s this beautiful golden ball of light with dazzling light rays coming off of it, when I see it in my mind’s eye, I get a feeling of it’s power and divinity. This feeling is most strong in my heart. It’s pulsing with energy and it’s very much alive, and as I zoom out, I can also see this old, dirty, brown canopy with bunch of holes in it that’s floating and hovering over this light, altering it’s rays of light in certain ways as the light passes through the holes. As I continue to meditate, now focusing more and more on the feeling in my heart, the feeling began to grow stronger and heavier. I also see the ball of light pulsing harder and growing larger, I continue to focus on the feeling more and more. I can see that the canopy is flimsy, it has too many holes in it, it’s now crinkling under the heat and the pulse of the light. The canopy gradually turns to dust and diminishes, and the light completely blows all of it away. I feel great warmth in my heart, and it too is now expanding throughout my body, I notice the slight tightness in my stomach relaxing..My mind is calm and relaxed, there is this deep inner intuitive feeling that tells me I truly am so much larger and bigger than who I have been, or who I am now in this moment, and this light is truly infinitely powerful, & infinitely creative. I then began to imagine all the ways I can decide to be. I got glimpses of different social situations where I am fully claiming my divinity and allowing this light to shine out into the world. I am uniquely expressive, I am uniquely funny, I am loving and caring, I am confident like a king, I am light on my step.

Still in meditation, I come to a realization that I have done this before, I got images of when I did this in the past, I have seen what happens when I just let this light shine, people fell in love with me. And I got this knowingness that I can bring more and more of this light out… in the future, and I also know that this light can create the personality that I most desire to be. I also realized somewhere along the way I bought into the BS of society…about how people should be in order to be attractive, and instead of thinking, “yeah I can choose to be that.”, I judged myself as NOT because I thought I didn’t know how. I came up with excuses like “I don’t have as much experience as other guys.” I threw up false canopies borrowed from other people, over my light. The light got dimmer. Maybe it was a fear of failure or possibly a fear of my own greatness of this light itself? I held onto the past as an excuse, I looked at every little thing that didn’t go the way I wanted and judged them as “failures” or “bad” and I, MYSELF, came up with the idea that there is something lacking and that I need a “fix” and fill this lack with something. With this premise, I developed doubt for my light, and I was unsure and confused of my light, still this light would shine through from time to time, and that alone has served as an inspiration to keep going on this journey, because deep down inside I always knew of my greatness. I’m not really sure where all of this doubt have accumulated, or where, and to be honest I don’t really care. What’s most important to me in this moment is coming in contact with this light within me, right now I’m feeling a whole new level of love for myself. I’m seeing that the feeling of lack was false based on illusion, and that I can choose to be fulfilled and complete now. It’s rejuvenating. I’ve read many spiritual people talk about this before, but I’m finally starting to get it. Starting to feel it experientially. Very cool, I am gonna keep meditating on this and keep accessing this awesome feeling for the next several days, expand on it as much as possible.  Make it(the feelings of being complete, whole, and powerful) part of my being more and more.

Now am I gonna be fully confident and doubt free forever? I don’t think so, that’s not realistic, but as I come to know this light within more and more I am gaining more and more confidence that I will be able to handle new challenges that may arise, I can Burn through the doubts. I will allow my body to feel them fully, welcoming all the tension of the doubts and fears in my body fully, thank the part of me for the feeling, learn the lesson, and let it go with love and acceptance.

So the big lesson here is this. The man I most desire to be has been inside me all along. I doubted myself because I thought I didn’t have “enough” experience, and that I thought I need to do more, I need to learn more, I need more from the outside to become this man. I need a hot women in my life to be like him. I need approval of my male friends to be like him, they need to know I hook up with a ton of chicks before I can be him.

But I realize I don’t NEED SHIT, it was all an illusion, all false thinking. Nothing I thought to be true was true at all. I realized that this light can create and BE anything I want RIGHT NOW. There was nothing stopping me but ME, MYSELF!!!, all I had to do was give myself the permission.

Better yet, this man is ALREADY within me, waiting to be acknowledged and uncovered from all the BS. And even better yet, this man is the real me. All other less ways of being was the fake, inauthentic self. How do I know this to be true? Because I remember the feelings of what it was like being him… and flashes of what happened to my world when I was him, …it was fucking epic. As a matter of fact, I can feel him inside me right now, in fact I am partly him right NOW in this moment. And he is one bad ass mother fucker.

This is ultimately THE BIG BANG shift in approach and mindset to personal development, a great fucking realization…. Hell yes.

G is for gratitude.

So Happier Than God by Neale Donald Walsch was a great read. The greatest lesson I got from it was from chapter 11, I thought it was so great that I wrote down the whole chapter on my site, you can read it here. http://www.claimingpower.com/Flow.html

The way to move out of judgment is to move into gratitude.

This has been shifting my mindset in incredible ways…

Understanding that Happiness is about attitude; your circumstances aren’t really responsible for Happiness.   SPG said it in this way, “it’s about becoming a yes to life.” A quote from the book, “Happiness is not getting what you want, it is wanting what you get.” It’s an attitude of moving away from judging certain circumstances as bad or wrong, and seeing that all circumstances are good even the ones that appear bad, it’s about holding the faith that the “bad” hold incredible gifts and lessons. Realizing that the universe only provides gifts and it is always conspiring and working for and towards your favor.

And the bonus of being happy? The universe responds to your vibration and brings more reason to be happy about, Neale Donald Walsch posted on his facebook status couple weeks ago, “Here is a great secret: Happiness is not created as a result of certain conditions. Certain conditions are created as a result of happiness.” I feel that developing this attitude is one of THE GREAT SECRETS, a life changing miracle.

I am grateful! I am in the flow! WOHHOOO so What happens now?!! LOL Ok so I have this meeting with my probation officer once a month that I go to, to turn in my PBT (Public Breathalyzer Test) sheet for the month, which proves I haven’t been consuming any alcohol even though I am already 21, I got this charge two months before I turned 21, yeah its a mother fucker! …Well I have been consuming alcohol!!! So I had to forge 7 cop signatures on my sheet and proceeded to turn it in to my PO (probation officer) she takes one look and realizes that there’s two SAME dates on my other sheet that I turned in a month ago, somehow I didn’t delete the two dates I already forged from my phone so I had two duplicate dates, long story short, I got 30 days daily PBTs and have to appear to court in a month. My heart started beating fast and I knew I was in some real BIG SHIT. Despite my body reacting and panicking, I was thinking about the gratitude lesson in my head…

Even though I felt pissed and all sorts of emotions including anxiety, and worry about the future, I chose to accept what had just happened and allowed myself to say “Thank You God”, I just started thinking you know what I can’t reverse the past so I’m just gonna choose to remain grateful for what had happened, and put my faith on the universe that there is a gift unfolding for me, and I shall emerge out of this mess a better man.

Maybe the universe was testing me…testing my new found gratitude mindset, saying “have you really changed?”(Bashar speaks on this phenomenon, the universe will reflect back an old reality to give the individual a chance to really decide if they want the change or not, if they really prefer the old or the new reality)

Few days later my neighbors threw a huge party and I decided to drink some beers, I stopped by 1:30 am but it was too late, I failed the breathalyzer test next morning, but luck would have it, it was a lady cop and she somehow let me go. Unbelievable! I was thinking “Ok I’m going to fucking jail, it’s game over.” She actually was really nice to me, smiled and shit as I thanked her from the bottom of my heart and shook her hand. Next morning she was there again, and she greeted me with a smile and a nice “Hi.” and after the test I said, “Have a really nice day.” and she smiles again. Maybe she likes me :).

On another note, I’ve been practicing Resonance, which you can read about here. http://thespgdiaries.blogspot.com/2010/06/beach-musings-reaching-vs-resonance.html

It’s been pretty fucking incredible, whenever I’m in resonance I’m magnetic, I seem to draw women to me. Went to an event where my friend(www.joehertler.com) was playing a set, I was just chilling on one of the tables and a hot intern that was working at the event came and stood right next to me, and instead of worrying about what to say to her, I just stood there and continued watching my friend play on stage. I was consciously choosing to stay grounded, feeling my core, feeling my tailbone, feeling my penis and the energy that was arising there but that’s it, just feeling comfortable in my skin and not doing anything special or unnatural. I completely ignored her and After a while, the girl leaves and I’m like whatever, but she comes back after a few minutes and again stands next to me, this time after a bit struck a conversation with me, and we had a nice talk, I could tell she was into me. And one of the musician’s girl friend (Not my friend Joe’s) I noticed was all friendly and smiley around me all day too, she also struck up a conversation with me, asking me about school and shit. She kept on looking over when I was talking to that hot intern lol.

Later that night, Me and my musical buddy Joe went to a party, this time I refused any alcohol, and was sober the whole night while everybody around me are pulling shots out of fifth bottles, getting wasted. Again I’m just being myself, not worrying about trying to “game” any girls, and somehow girls just seem to find me and strike up conversations with me. Interesting, I’m learning that when I’m trying to do seduction to get the girl, it really does feel unnatural but when I’m just enjoying myself and feeling my core and loving what is there and not doing anything special just because there are girls around, even to the point where I’m not even trying to talk to them, girls are interested, I’m in resonance, I’m attractive…I will have to explore this further.

SO This daily PBT is forcing me to not drink, so I want take this opportunity to practice being able to socialize with people in a party atmosphere without needing to have alcohol in my system. So many times, I’ve relied on alcohol to help me feel comfortable in my body and be more out going and social, but I know I shouldn’t even need that. This is going to turn out to be yet another lesson for me.

And this PBT is forcing me to wake up early in the morning which is kinda nice because now I get to do a lot of work early in the morning, and it’s keeping me away from the bars, and the heavy drinking party scenes for a bit. I get to focus more energy and time on my coaching work with SPG and my Orgasmic Mastery work with Destin Gerek. I’ve been doing some real cool exercises that’s opening me up to more and more profound shifts and transformations towards becoming my evolved, erotic self.  Like for example today, I woke up early, went to blow, came back and did a meditation exercise that I got from SPG, experienced some pretty intense emotions, and I felt the heavy emotion lift and dissipate, a pretty incredible shift, but it was draining, It knocked me out for couple hours…woke up later feeling calm, and extra sexy, feeling very good in my chest area…Cool. More to report soon.

And my financial situation is gonna pick up now big time, I finally got my medical marijuana card(very recently the law passed in Michigan) which is awesome because I can now join my roommate who is starting his business of selling MJ to the dispensaries which is all legal BTW.  He has already invested several grand into his growing facility, he just tells me he wants me to join him and start making some real money. (Note: I hardly ever smoke weed anymore, I hardly ever enjoy being high now, I’m doing this purely for the money) So this is very very good news for me, this financial opportunity just landed on my lap.  The Money literally found me.  I believe this is the result of me awakening recently, thinking big, believing in myself, and believing that I am worthy of success on all levels.  Gratitude mindset may have just been the final push to open the floodgates right open for things to start moving.  Right now I can’t help but feel grateful!!! Another proof that the Universe PROVIDES. All of this is falling into place now, I’m loving it.


The Grandest Vision Ever Held

So I have been on this journey of becoming great with women for about 2 years now…MANNN 2 years!!! kinda long time but kinda NOT at the same time lol. I’ve changed A LOT since then, and I want to take a moment to thank ME for all the changes I have made, all the “outer world” success as well as the “inner world” success and changes I have made SO FAR!  Cool stuff…but one CHANGE that I want to first talk about here is the CHANGE in my focus of CHANGE…lol.  Let me explain.  2 years ago I was just stepping onto the college party scene, I wanted a girlfriend, I wanted a girl that I can claim to be mine, so I can look cool among my friends, so I can have her by my side as I go to parties, if I had a girl by my side then I won’t have to feel uncomfortable, I won’t have to feelinsecure going to parties.  I won’t have to feel like a lesser of a man when I see a dude with a girl.  I would be and feel confident!

Ok the dream, the goal, the campaign…The girl, me, Happiness!!!

I set out the intention! My world begin to moved!  I started attracting spiritual knowledge and all sorts of success coaches that talked about the NEW AWESOME idea, YOU CAN CREATE YOUR REALITY…using your THOUGHTS!!!!! As I look now those were some pretty exciting times, I remember sitting in my room in meditation, visualizing my dream reality, I delved in romantic, erotic thoughts.  I visualized women loving me.  I also looked up Pick Up material.  I watched videos of Mystery, I tried the ‘kino escalation’ although a lot of the stuff was just not for me, like cold approach with a canned opener…never did that one lol,  I also began to develop more and more awareness over my thoughts.  I also found myself going to a lot more parties, going out and “socializing”with the help of LIQUID COURAGE LOL.  I was having fun.

At night I would go out to parties, and in my free time I would look up all sorts of things dealing with personal development, personal power, law of attraction, vibration, spirituality, abraham hicks, bashar, etc.  ALL this work in the pursuit of having beautiful women in my life!

I was making progress, I won’t go into all of the details but small things at a time from getting phone numbers, and then to dancing with girls on the dance floor. (I used to be deathly afraid of dancing, I may write about how I got over my fear of dancing sometime later, interesting set of circumstances came about to say the least), even making out with girls on the dance floor just 5 min after meeting them.  I suddenly found myself excited to go out to different parties, I loved it and this was someone who was afraid of going out to parties just couple years before.  It was a place where I could “test” different techniques and new implementations I was making to myself (mainly different affirmations to change my mindset).

I was on the grind!

I was making progress, but my sense of progress was always tied down to how well I was interacting with women.  I was so “Outwardly” focused! even though I thought I was more focused on myself.  I was still looking outside myself, not sometimes, but ALL the time, and I slowly began to realize this and built awareness over this phenomenon.  A lot of my sense of worth or…MOST of my sense of worth was dictated by circumstances.

When the success with women wasn’t there, I would feel awful about myself, my faith in who I am striving to become would dwindle away.  The “backslide” effect.  Progress would slow down or for periods of time come to a screeching halt!

I began to become really sick and tired of this backslide effect, I began to become tired of having thoughts like “maybe I haven’t changed at all”, “maybe I haven’t made real progress at all”, Slowly I began to question what it is that I really wanted.  Surely I wanted success with women, but deeper then that there was this urge to prove myself, to prove my power as an individual, an urge to know myself and all of the different ways I can know and experience myself.  To hold and become a grander vision of myself. a grander version of who I have been.

I want to thank this new awesome way of thinking to my mentors Cory Skyy (who talked about becoming great with women is all about self improvement) and especially Destin Gerek (who talked about free writing about your ideal self, “what does he look like?” “How does he talk? walk?” “Who is this ideal, erotic self?” “Write about him, and…write about him again.”)

But the most radical, shift, the “one final push over the cliff”, came about after a very synchronistic event of reading my favorite blogger’s blog post.http://thespgdiaries.blogspot.com/2010/06/spgs-truth-changing-to-attract-women.html


BAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!! imagine fire works going off inside my head.  This blog post rocked me to the core, I resonated with what he was saying, understood exactly where he was coming from, and completely inspired me to finally shift my focus and make lasting changes to my whole approach to this journey that I am on.

What has transpired so far?

*Me putting a lot more focus on the subtleties of myself, being able to hold the grandestvision I have ever held about me.  (Far beyond my wildest imaginations, never thought possible before!)

*I found a new healing technique. (I will share when I practice this more and see its results)

*Two new books! (Happier Than God by Neale Donald Walsch, and a free ebook fromhttp://www.yangtown.com/ called Revive Your Sex Drive.)

and the most exciting of all…

*Communication and Coaching from the SPG Life guy Himself!  ATM working on self inquiry and release.

But maybe the most important of all, there is this cool, collective, patient and compassionate side of me that is growing.  This side of me that tells me “It’s okay to fuck up, do not judge things as bad, only gifts, opportunities of growth.”  There is this calming energy about this new side of me that keeps reassuring me that Big things are along the way.  There is this renewed faith in who I am becoming, and this ideal self is someone that is wayyyyy beyond what I have ever thought possible just few months ago.

Things are getting super exciting.