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Found an inspirational  thread over at cory skyy’s magnetic mindset forums:

http://coryskyy.net/forum/topic.php?id=1507&replies=24

After 2 years of dedication to his affirmations, he is now living a rock star life.  Dating multiple women, dating models, making money by doing what he loves, house on the ocean…

What he talked about is really loving your affirmations…instead of feeling like it’s a choir.  really taking the time to make it a part of your day that you look forward to and that you LOVE doing.  He has made his practice of affirmations into a “religious” ritual.

“It became a ritual I would do every morning and every evening before I lay my head down. I shut everything off completely when I am doing my affirmations, turning off my phone, lighting some scented candles, and turning on some sexy music to put me in the mood. Before I know it my affirmations are over and I want to do even more. I get up and become excited about doing my affirmations because it makes me feel so great. The first year the affirmations were sort of like a chore, now its something I really look forward to.”

So this really re inspired me on the power of affirmations (Written affirmations, mirror affirmations), I followed the advice and really set aside a time to do my affirmations as a ritual, not half assing it and rushing through it just to do it for the day (feeling like a chore), instead shutting off the world and it’s just me and the affirmations.  I turned on sexy music (he recommends Enigma, which I’ve been enjoying), and really getting in the mood, really being in the moment and in love with what I am doing. I still have to go buy candles and incense, but I gotta say it’s really making a big difference, the mirror affirmations especially is really putting me in a confident, sexy mindset, and I feel great afterwards.

You know paramahamsa nithyananda saids in this videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahQHwMAl0Qs that “Only Love Can Become Meditation, without the component of love any technique you do, will be dry, dull, you will not be able to continue more than few days.” “Only with the deep love, even a technique become meditation.”

On top of that I’m practicing Blissful Indifference. Which is a radical new way of living life. A process of being fulfilled and complete without needing anything in life, being happy to be alive and being me.  I still have to catch myself a lot when I feel the pull of the needy energy, that would so often put me in a bad mood, I’m happy that I am finally doing something about it, at the very least building awareness around it for now and reminding myself that happiness is right here, right now.  More on the power of Indifference to come…

So this guy at the forum talks about a phenomenon of becoming aligned, he saids he has not approached a single girl in 2 years, women just seem to “show up” in his life.

“I feel when we are aligned with what we truly feel we deserve effort doesn’t even need to be exerted. The universe sends to you whatever you need and I’ve had these situations happen over and over again. When I’ve needed money a new client appears. When I feel sexual there are women left and right calling and sending me flirtatious text messages to go out with them, or as blunt as “I am dying for you to fuck my brains out..””

SPG made a similar post recently about alignment, here: http://thespgdiaries.blogspot.com/2010/07/something-shifted-im-being-pursued.html

“I wrote earlier about how I feel I’ve made a big shift. Since then
I’ve had all these invitations to pursue a whole new lifestyle, new
people come into my life, and women coming out of the woodwork. I’m
not “on the market,” and haven’t done shit as far as making myself
available, they seem to just be showing up.”

Although I’m no where the level of evolution that these guys went through yet, I experienced some similar things this week, first a girl sends me a message on facebook wanting to party with me, and then a different girl calls me 3 in the morning and leaves me a voice mail all drunk saying how much she and her friend misses me, pretty hilarious voice mail.

but yeah, I’m again inspired to do “the work” with more passion, love, and dedication.  There is no magic bullet.  “The external aligns with the internal.” “Keep sticking with the work and start from within.” -SPG

“Remember, consistency is God-like, it is the separation between mediocre and greatness.” –mirtodipanarea (the guy at the forum)

“Consistency is the mother of all skill.” -Ross Jeffries

“Pieces from Sasha Cobra’s Journal.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I am grateful.

I am grateful for many things. As I move through this journey, I realize that I am grateful for all, even the things that make me feel “heavy”. All feelings are a gift. I am thankful for all the gifts I am given, whether I like them or not. In the end, I DO love all of them. I love to feel, for feeling is learning. I feel hard, so all the lessons I learn, I learn the hard way. The key is to master the “feeling” concept to indulge in all the greatness feeling has to offer.
Sometimes I feel so much, it brings me to tears. Ok…who am I kidding… A LOT of the times it brings me to tears. I am so appreciative of the person I have become, and even more appreciative of the person I am striving to become. I learn, I love, and I feel…HARD…and with everyday, feeling hard becomes easier.
I feel beautiful. My beauty comes from evolving, and being able to notice the changes and growth I welcome. I love being me and all the silliness I wrap around myself. Sometimes, it feels GOOD to feel “silly” feelings. I know what is right…but I also know that I enjoy being “left”. So, while I’m still learning to walk in the center, jumping from side to side keeps ME balanced.”

Sometimes It feels really good to just look back and see how far I’ve come.

My self worth comes from growing, from evolving, from deep within, from the strength to get up again and again

The next breath is the invitation to surrender, to open up to more and more love, to be fulfilled right now, in this moment.

The Present Moment is truly a GIFT.

Just watched the movie, Inception, last night.  The movie was fucking awesome.  The movie had many juicy concepts that I’m really into, the conscious & subconscious mind, inspiration versus someone else’s idea, dreams, awakening, reality (is it real?), creation of reality (architect, or creator), facing one’s own inner demons(facing guilt, regret), and finally Letting go.

In the climax the main character, Leonardo Dicaprio, has to face his inner demons, things he’s been holding onto in his subconscious, the guilt, the regret, and finally embrace them and let them go.   In order to win, or else he’s forever lost in the darkness of his own subconscious…

Elen Page (I love her) is one of the side characters that finds out about Dicaprio’s hidden demons, and tells him “You have to face them.”  and “You have to forgive yourself”

What a perfect movie for what I am going through in my own life…This is the work I’ve been doing recently is to fully embrace my deepest fears and “burning through them”.  I realize I have always been running away from these fears all my life.  Fear of being alone, manifested it’s ways in me desperately “trying” to get better with women, attempting to pull someone in to cover up this fear.  Fear of being different, fear of being rejected, all these fears…and instead of completely embracing them, feeling them fully and becoming okay with the feeling, so they can just course through my being and let go of naturally.  The feelings were covered up, neglected, and thus they have become “stuck”, impeding my growth, and my ways of being.

It’s interesting that just yesterday(before I went to watch Inception, and I had no idea what that movie was about) I was inspired to upload this video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IB2gifGa7Ho Which I’ve seen over a year ago but now that I’m doing this work I remembered this lady and her message and saw it as another confirmation for my work…she explains her mystical experience where she hears this strong inner voice that tells her… “Don’t be afraid to face your inner suffering.”  And she explains that’s all one has to do, is to just be with it.

Eliza Mada Dalian is another spiritual teacher that comes back to me at this time.  I’ve resonated with her message in the past and I’ve even ordered & read her book, In Search of the Miraculous, an amazing book on life and the human journey that we are all on…the journey of becoming more conscious, anyway she is what I considered to be self realized, enlightened, or awakened.  She can read thought forms in the body and see where the body is blocked and what thought forms are blocking it, her healing method (The Dalian Healing Method) is about finding these blockages and expressing it out loud, and facing the fear behind the blockage. And she says by expressing the fear out loud over and over again which is the process of peeling the skin of the onion, you’re finally able to get to the prize, the inner core of our being.  Watch the video,Feel the fear, face the fear. http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=y6jqTd89tGY

Her whole healing method is this, using consciousness to heal.  Watching the fear, bringing attention to that part of the body where the fear resides, breathing into it, expressing it out loud, and after a while the consciousness realizes that it is not the fear, and for the first time it is feeling it fully(becoming aware of it finally), it can then finally let it go.

I’ve only just begun this process of burning through my inner suffering.  My first couple times I actually sat down and imagined my worst fear, the worst case scenario, and feeling the raw fear of it in my body fully in this moment, and dealing with it, has produced some of the most intense feelings in my body.  Clenching tightness in my solar plexus, aching pains in my heart chakra, while thoughts of what caused these pains would pop up into my consciousness, I keep bringing my awareness back to the body, to the feelings.  The key is to bring more appreciation, honor, and love for the feeling, which allows for more and more of that feeling to come up.  And using breath to enhance awareness and to move it.  I felt extreme emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, etc.  But at the same time there’s a loving compassionate side of me that is watching these emotions come and go.  giving acceptance for these feelings and this part of me, and thanking this part of me for trying to protect me, from the bottom of my heart.

This is the path to true self love.  Loving myself even in times of “bad” or “negative” emotions or feelings.  I’m finding out that all feelings are valuable.  They should all be embraced, there is a new reality opening up for me.  To be in Joy even to feel the “bad” feelings.  It’s really becoming more conscious.  More aware of myself in the moment.  This is Tantra!

This act of witnessing is the ticket to my inner, immortal being.  and I’m learning to feel the natural joy of this being.

“See the emotions like a storm that is passing through, and you are the sky.” -SPG

Much to learn. Much burning ahead.

-CP

I’ve noticed the last couple of days when I am doing my Erotic Self Explorations as part of Orgasmic Mastery work with Destin Gerek, where I am using breath, voice, touch, and movement to drive my erotic energies up the body away from the genitals, that the energy seem to get stuck in my third chakra, located in the solar plexus, or the stomach region.

I’ve also been doing some release work with SPG around this area.

I’m also noticing some tension come up in my third chakra as I go about my day…

The third chakra is associated with self-respect, self-confidence, and emotions.

Very interesting just yesterday I had a epiphany by reading a blog post by SPG, that got me questioning the notion of self worth and value.

AND yesterday I got an urge to express…so I took a pillow and stuffed my face in it, and screamed out as loud as I can several times, I screamed “AHHHHH” and “FUCK YOUUU” not really personally directed to anyone…well maybe, to express my anger with the intention of releasing some of this tension in my stomach.  It did help.

This was something that Barabra Carrellas talked about in her book Urban Tantra to help nourish this center.  Other methods included,*-Feeling the fear and doing it anyway, *-Pounding a pillow, *-Screaming underwater, *-Laughing, *-Rebirthing(a conscious breathing process designed to release stored stress, pain, and emotional trauma). and doing some affirmations: *-“I trust my inner voice.  I am strong, wise, and powerful.”  *-“It is safe to express my emotions.”  *-“I am brave, I am brave, I am brave.” (As I am saying these affirmations right now, feelings are coming up in my stomach)

AND Last night I also came across a video on youtube by pure chance about the third chakra… watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny-1qyq4uYA

She talks about the third chakra having to deal with self worth and how that is tied to how much $$$ you’re making, she has an exercise to help awaken this area.

AND again today, this morning another video of this guy explaining about the importance of third chakra and what awakening this power house can allow us to do, (the ability to direct our sexual energies so people are able to have orgasmic experiences from great distance). Watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzHWKCioAHs (He’s the guy near the end of the video, white hair and glasses)

I’m honoring this synchronicity.  The third chakra is needing my attention and love right now.

and as a bonus I also found this awesome video, and found another amazing person that teaches human sexuality and personal & spiritual healing and growth. His name is Baba Dez Nichols.  Watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewrPVApSAVE

In the video he talks about getting present, breathing, and asking our bodies, our hearts, and our stomachs…”What Do I need right now? to be in greater ease.” “to hold the space for you to feel, because I know you want to feel very deeply.”

This is EXACTLY the work I have been doing as part of my coaching work with my mentor SPG.  It’s amazing how the universe has a way of presenting you the lessons exactly when you need it.

At the end of the video, Baba Dez also said something I really liked, “That’s the healthy Masculine, he is unwavering, he sees everything, he doesn’t miss a thing, and he stands with one hand on his heart, and the other one on his sword, and he’s not afraid to use it.”

-CP

Reading a new blog post by SPG got me thinking and questioning a lot of things…, it’s about his realization on reality model in which we base our “personal value”.  His realization is about the “romanticized high school” model…this I’m sure we all are way too familiar with, as we see them on movies, television shows like on MTV, songs, magazines, etc.  The model that classifies people into different categories the jocks with hot girlfriends, the popular and unpopular kids, nerds, etc, etc.  And how this made up construct is somehow dictating people’s self worth and value.  The full blog post can be read here:

http://thespgdiaries.blogspot.com/2010/07/paradigm-shift-revisited.html

“I realized the whole paradigm was just an invention. I pictured the reality – that school, the perceived social structure, everything is temporary. Nothing is really “there.””

“there is no social structure, there is no status, there is no model. And it means it’s time to get on with living my life in my own way, to stop putting others on pedestals or in pigeonholes. And there’s a whole fucking LOT about “reality” that I haven’t the slightest clue.” – SPG

It got me thinking what the fuck is personal value and self worth anyways?  How much of this drive to become successful with women was driven out of my own sense of self worth based on this made up construct that I BOUGHT into?

I was not much of a partier in my high school days, I wasn’t chasing women back then.  I had a solid group of male friends and we all LOVED World of Warcraft, rather passionately lol.  I mean when I look back now do I feel pity for myself for doing that instead of parting and chasing girls?  I’m not sure, I was having a lot of fun playing that game with my friends, and now I have such a solid group of male friends back in my home town that I am sooo grateful for so I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.  Did I place higher value on others that partied in high school? Maybe.

I am sort of seeing college as a way of putting myself into different “category”.  Me along all my friends back then are now partying, socializing, getting success with women, and partying with the “popular group” of high school both male and female.  I live with 3 roommates that were “popular” in high school.  Have I placed more value on them and put them on pedestals? yeah I can say that I have…  When I hear them  talk about their stories in high school, Do I sometimes feel bad about myself because I am comparing and judging?  Yeah I do…  So there is an opportunity for release, and growth here…  It got me questioning… How much of this social construct am I buying into that is making me see myself as the “underdog”.  And causing me to view this journey as a “struggle” with the intention to overcome and prove people of my “self worth”?  And the whole fact that I was born in Japan, and I moved here as a minority, which the word itself is very interesting…it has caused me to feel inferior to white people at times… I have felt like the outsider trying to fit in, often selling myself short because I bought into the idea that being different or unique is a “bad” thing.  Often placing more value on others, and trying to “fit in” as a way to “hide” my uniqueness, instead of embracing them as great gifts.

The society idea that living as a minority is a struggle.  How much of this is really real?  Is there an actual actuality in the world “out there”?  How much of this is made real by our minds?

Sure discrimination exists, but can’t we just choose to just ignore that, instead of buying into “that construct” viewing ourselves as lesser people that “need to fit in”, the underdog, the struggling people…???

The more I think about it the more I’m thinking…”What a fucking joke!”.  Sure society still has “solid” things that express this construct such as media, cultural mindset, etc… but does this mean one has to buy into this reality and base our place in the world from it? Do we have to derive our personal worth and value from this construct, and place ourselves somewhere midway by comparing ourselves to others? The answer is FUCK NO. …Just what is personal worth and value anyways?  Isn’t that idea a construct of societies’ BS anyways?  Shouldn’t we all feel infinite amount of worth and value because we are a product of the divine?

This doesn’t mean I’m not gonna strive to become greater.  But I want to walk through this journey with the sense of great worth and value for myself just the way I am and still striving to become ever greater out of inspiration and love.  Not from a place of pity, jealousy, or unfulfillment.

-CP …e v e r y d a y

(Tightness in Solar Plexus) – “I want to be who i wanna be.” -Me

I want to be who I want to be… ask that part what’s stopping it from being that right now? – SPG

(Tightness in the groin) – “I hate being dictated who i am based on this topic of sex.” – Me

Ask that part which feels it’s being dictated who you are based on sexuality… whose dictating? What are the dictates? Whose voice is this giving the commands? It’s not you, who is it? Ask yourself what resources you would need to just be whoever the fuck you want when it comes to sex. -SPG

***

More self inquiry work with SPG, more “work” on learning more about me.  I’m seeing…that there has been this part of me that’s been holding me back from my own sexuality, from my own free expression.  This part of me, Often feeling “less than” to other men in my life with sexual confidence because I didn’t think I had the “validation” to be that guy.  So in order to become the man I want to be I was reaching out to the world to pull in something to fill this void.  I was learning all these great things involving personal development, to change myself to “get” women, so I can “be” that “guy”.

And even when I did attraction girls into my life, it felt like a lot of work, I was still not accepting myself as a sexual being, often thinking that I lack the experience therefor I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough. I would act in inauthentic ways, often feeling like I need to “do” something extra, “be” something different…practice more, get better, “collect” more validation from different women.

…well no amount of success with women was ever getting me anywhere as far as becoming the man I wanted to become.  because…I had the key the whole time.  I’m the solution I’ve been looking for all along.  I AM the permission slip.  Masters tell us to look within, “the answers are within”, “everything you’re looking for is already within you”, well I kinda knew this idea(importance of self love) but I never thought this could apply to sex and sexuality, …pretty crazy idea..how is “going within” going to bring me sexual fulfillment? what the fuck?… and there are also the “spiritual people” that say the ego and it’s desires are where all of the suffering comes from, “Detach from your ego!”, cool but I have some dreams I want to accomplish, how is this gonna help.

Thanks to people like SPG(http://thespgdiaries.blogspot.com/), Destin Gerek(http://www.eroticrockstar.com/about.html), and Barbra Carrellas (author of Urban Tantra,http://www.barbaracarrellas.com/) I’m realizing that yeah I am way bigger than my ego, in fact I am bigger than life! but at the same time I can appreciate and cherish my ego as it is right now and even strive to create a stronger ego for myself that is more in alignment with what I want.  And this process doesn’t need any validation from the outside…it’s simply me fully becoming the godly creator that I am and creating the personality that I most want to present to the world.  And my sexuality is MINE, and it doesn’t need a women or any circumstances… to be fully claimed and be freely expressed in the world.  There is no reason not to celebrate my sexuality.

What’s been happening with this realization?

I notice more calm in me, more presence, I’m taking full deep breaths more and more through out the day, the deep belly breath, feeling so  good to breath like that.  Feeling confident and solid in who I am.  and this is starting to feel so good, so right, and natural that I’m noticing when I tense my muscles, when I take shallow breaths. I’m putting my awareness more and more on my body, Barbra termed it as “dropping into the body”, I notice tightness, or tension and I release it (I feel them fully till it releases).

My voice is louder and more expressive, I’ve noticed this when I’m hanging out with my roommate Jack, who is this 6’3″ stud I live with, that’s always talking about his stories of fucking random bitches since his high school days.  I’m seeing in the past I would sometimes see myself as inferior to him whenever the subject of sex was brought up and feel bad for myself that I’m not able to be that sexual confident guy.  I’m acknowledging the part of me that’s failed to place the same value on myself.  The tension that was there, I worked to release it.  This one particular moment last week, when I was fully in my body, fully present with the feeling, the tension that was in my solar plexus, and I sat with it for several minutes, and I felt the tension more and more, it turned into this feeling of ball of energy, but heavy and tangled, move up slowly into my chest, my heart chakra, and it dissolved…into warmth & strength.  I notice this past week I’m completely seeing myself as toe to toe with guys like this and other men in my life.  It’s not a feeling of like me versus the other.  But a feeling of joy and freedom to express myself in ways that I want, I’m thrilled to be able to own and celebrate my sexuality.  My interactions with people are more light and relaxed.  I am able to appreciate the value in others, instead of feeling like I need to prove something to them and overcome them.  Jack and I just chilling and we’re now working on bringing this medical marijuana growing operation(all legal) to full effect and looking to make a lot of money from it.  I am grateful for all the respect that these men in my life are showing me.

***I’m really enjoying the erotic self explorations that I’ve been doing as part of my Orgasmic Mastery Course Homework by Destin Gerek.  It’s getting easier and easier to stay present and connected to the body and all the sensations.  I’m actually feeling energy run down my legs and up my spine more and more now.  I’m having these energetic bursts of pleasure in my chest sometimes, as the energy runs up from my groin.  I wouldn’t call them full out, mind blowing orgasms, which I have not experienced yet but they are pleasurable.  Pleasurable enough that I have not masturbated to porn in at least a months (ok I caved once within the month) but really most times I’m actually looking forward to doing erotic self explorations.  Full attention on ME.

And women have been responding when I leave the house after these explorations (hitting direct eye contact, and this one girl gave me a shy smile and a “Hi” as I walked past her on the street).  On top of that I’m practicing presence as I walk through my day and practicing bringing sexuality and my sexual energy into everything I do, “making love to the Universe”.  Barbara Carrellas talks of this one incident in her book, Urban Tantra, where she is using breath to make love to the city of Sydney.

“One particularly delightful blissgasm sneaked up on me one stunningly beautiful morning in Sydney, Australia.  I was out for a stroll in the city, breathing in the clean, cool air. feeling the intense, hot sun on my skin, and being so grateful to be alive and in that beautiful city on that beautiful day.  I’ve always subscribed to the theory that if you make love to the universe, the universe will make love to you.  So I began using several of my favorite Tantric techniques to circulate sexual energy between me and Sydney.  Nothing I was doing was obvious to anyone on the street; I’m sure I appeared to be nothing more than a smiling, happier-than-usual woman on her way to the post office.  I had no big expectation of any particular climax as a result of my lovemaking with the city of Sydney.  I most surely had no expectation of any particular physical sensation.  But before I knew it, a little blissgasm shivered up my spine, followed by an actual clitoral orgasm that washed up the front of my body.  These two waves crashed together in my head.  I was so amazed.  I had to stop and lean against a wall-I’d had a walking orgasm!” – Barbara Carellas, Urban Tantra

I remember this one time this week, I felt energy run up my spine and burst as good feelings in my chest as I’m walking around downtown.  It was cool.

***

This is only the beginning, I’m going to free write more on this sexual personality that I am creating for myself.  Visualize more on this.  Feel the feelings of being him, more and more.

So this past week…I caught a glimpses of my evolved self in my mind’s eye.  He had this big grin on his face.  He was wearing some cool ass clothes, kinda clothes fit for a rock star.  He’s waiting for me.  He’s telling me to take my time, which I have been with this self inquiry work with SPG.  Only handing one self inquiry a day if that.  Just taking my time, and enjoying the process.

Oh and this evolved self gave me a homework assignment!, he told me to “write down on a sheet of paper 10 awesome things about you as you are, right now”….later that day I easily came up with twenty.  >:)

-CP