Presence Process… Not an easy journey

I’ve completed my 10 week journey through the Presence Process, it hasn’t been an easy journey by any means…

I went through some days of complete hopelessness, and mental confusion. Thoughts filled with fear and insecurity.Thoughts of death, and giving up.

There was fear around entering the Presence Process, I entered it hurting, needing and wanting, but Michael Brown was making it clear that this work was not about getting what we needed and wanted, it was about building the capacity to receive what we require.  And what I require is always given…   I know what is required for me because it happens

That fear was about the fear of not getting what I needed and wanted.

What I need and want is to have good appearance, have a girl in my life, to look cool among my social circle, to have my outer circumstances be exactly what I think it should be so I can feel better about myself.

Running from the experience I am having now…  to wanting things to be different.

Always wanting to feel better than what I am feeling right now.

In many ways I suppose one is only truly able to surrender to a process like this if one faces enough disappointments to make one realize that all the attempts to do something about one’s predicament has not worked.

Presence Process has begun to open my eyes to the reality that what I require is always given.

“The Universe is full of grace”(the faces may change but the upsets remain the same) , “Where ever we are, there we are”

That my experience right now is valid. (Thank god for that)

My experience as my ultimate teacher.

And what I require is not always what I need and want, sometimes they seem to appear as demons, as form of upsets or “set ups” that stir up uncomfortable emotions within me, and it hasn’t always been easy to respond.  I would often get my ass kicked and slip into unconscious, reactive behaviors.

These upsets came in various forms…my roommates upset me, my financial situation upset me, my reflection in the mirror upset me, various thought patterns upset me.

But instead of going up into the mental stories to Do something about it, or going out into the physical world to change what’s out there…. I went within.  I began to just sit with and contain these uncomfortable feelings inside me.  Being with it without condition…

and this has been the biggest shift/gift that came from this process so far, is a shift from reactive behavior to responsive behavior.  Dropping out of the mental plane and into my body. Strengthening my authenticity, If I am feeling afraid, I am afraid and it’s okay.  Some of these energies began to move within me,the experience has been very physical, I felt all sorts of physical sensations in my body as I went through the daily breathing exercises. Which is what Michael says happens the first time through the Presence Process, as the awareness moves back along the Pathway of awareness, from Physical to Mental to Emotional.

I am seeing some tangible shifts taking place in my 3D experience of the world, but I will wait till I gain more clear insight before I write about that.

For now I will continue the breathing exercise and continue my practice of going through the day meditatively, which is to surrender to whatever feeling that arises in each and every moment.

“It’s not about trying to feel better, it’s about getting better at feeling.”

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