I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions lately, mainly on my belief on “Not being good enough.” A lot of sadness, a lot of pain in the heart chakra. Whether consciously or unconsciously I’ve adopted this belief long ago when I moved to America from Japan. In meditation I saw that I had adopted this belief when I went to my first American Elementary, and I couldn’t speak English at all. I had to go to a special class with a Japanese teacher that had to translate everything to me, and all the kids around me were different from me. Now in meditation I went back to that place and time, and put myself in the little boy self of me, I felt all sorts of emotions come up. Fear and lots of pain in the heart. I breathed into this pain, and allowed myself to fully feel it. I then took deep belly breathes and with the exhale used sound like a moaning sound to release and let go of the pain. I visualized the energy leave with the exhale out of my mouth. I did this for a while, then all of the sudden I got a spontaneous idea to breathe In Love, Appreciation, and Acceptance on the inhale which I imagined as this white & pink energy entering my body and running down the front of my body (sort of like in microcosmic orbit), and then as this energy hit the bottom of the pelvis, I imagined it rise up on the backside of my body on the exhale, pushing the negative energy on its way out. and replacing those places where the negative energy and thought forms were held with this pink and white energy of love, appreciation, and acceptance.
It was a very cool experience, I really felt the energy move, and sometimes I even felt my body involuntarily move. Although I didn’t get to the point of crying, I still felt tremendous sadness fully in the moment. and eventually felt peace once the energy past. This took about 15 to 20 min… after that I was drained and was dozing off to sleep, and then a phone rang and woke me up.
Right now I’m feeling really peaceful, it’s only been a few minutes since I did this meditation, so I will have to report on the changes I notice later on. More to come.