I started the day off with a meditation and free writing exercise, on feeling the difference from changing “to get what I want” versus changing “to be the man I really am”, or “changing to get something from the outside, or to please others” versus “changing for myself, to bring out something special from within.” (because I love myself so much and I want to express that awesome self out into the world) so I’m anchoring the feeling of this. One feels like I’m not enough, I’m lacking or there’s a restless, needy energy to it, a feeling of a void, contraction. The other feels empowering, inspiring, exciting, under all the bs, there is a feeling of wholeness inside, expansive. It felt great to anchor in this feeling. I felt a shift. I had a deeper sense of purpose. I was much more relaxed and calm around others.
Then later that day, I had to talk to my probation officer, felt a lot of fear come up about what will happen tomorrow at court. I violated probation couple weeks ago and now I have to face the consequences. Anyways As I waited in the waiting room, feeling tremendous nervousness and fear, I was conscious of it, and I chose to sit with it.
After that meeting, I came back and found this video posted on Cory Skyy’s forum by one of the members, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKqmAJRTiNw
I gotta say this is one great video on fear, and it’s exactly what I’ve been learning recently with my work with SPG. and exactly what I’m going through today.
Burt posts a comment under the video “This is the real ‘work’ of spiritual expansion — to transmut FEAR into LOVE! How simple, how direct and so transforming!!”
What I took away from the video is this: fear feels contractive, while love feels expansive…so fear and love are exact opposites. On a human level, for there to exist love, there also has to exist fear, we must experience fear fully and allow it to move through us for us to open up to love, the human life is about movement, it’s contraction and expansion, over and over again, so fear is the catalyst for expansion… when people run away from fear, wish it wasn’t there, and suppress it, it locks up the fear in the body and creates rigidity, the person is dead, the spirit is dead, the love is not there, the warmths is not there in the heart.
“eventually I begin to learn great deal from my clients, from myself, my wife, emotions are not only present but they are healthy, when you know how to deal with them, how to learn through them, you see, and the strength that you will derive from dealing with your fears, with your emotions, is tend to amount to godliness, it’s it’s so amazing because it brings out the compassion, the ability to feel, and to know much deeper.” -Burt Harding
Burt suggests that we sit with fear, and to listen to it. By listen, he means to just feel the feeling of fear as it is, and you find that what you called pleasure or pain diminishes, it becomes just a feeling… neutral.
And Also I checked on facebook and saw a status update by Anette Carlstrom (who I mentioned about in my earlier post) that read: “Consciousness is like a combustion chamber. Any feeling experienced fully instantly gets burned and released into energy.”
and posted another timely video for today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4GFMgexBPA
So I decided to meditate on fear. Sitting with Fear. To do this I imagine the worst case scenario(the circumstances that I’m most afraid of, ex: being alone, being rejected, losing, getting embarrassed, it goes on…) and feel the feelings of fear as if it’s happening now, the worse case scenario happened.
Today I picked my self consciousness of my physical appearance. Under this behavior there is a fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected, fear of being alone…so I sat with this fear for a while, what happens? first it feels very uncomfortable, it’s contractive, heavy and downright painful at times, I breath into it, and welcome the feeling more and more, slowly it begins to change and I’m more and more focus on the feeling itself, and it becomes just a feeling, and less identification as pleasure or pain, and as I feel it more and more, there is this side of me, this strong presence, that begins to grow. It’s compassionate and loving. It begins to comb out this feeling, And I begin to feel better, more calm & peaceful.
Definitely a shift, I looked myself in the mirror and I just loved what I saw. I walked around the city, went to the library, and noticed that I was much more peaceful, there was this opening…I felt confident, and strong knowing that I just faced some of my biggest fears, and I was able to stay with it, live through it, and be okay with it.
I’m feeling like…the fastest solution to our problems is to actually face and feel the fear itself that we are all desperately trying to avoid. Facing fear may just be the fastest way of transformation and growth…on ALL levels.
this is definitely a new thing for me, it’s been quite profound… More to report.