I spoke too soon… tonight I had an even more powerful, profound experience of “crying for no reason at all”.
I was just minding my own business listening to music, not even doing the connected breathing, I looked myself in the eye, and I just started tearing up! I allowed myself to let the tears go, and then I sat down, turned the music off and continued to connect with that feeling of grief, then the grief continued… It felt as if my whole being was just shuttering in grief, and I felt it immensely, powerfully, and tears just kept coming, for good solid 10-15 min.
I could feel the child like innocence within me as I cried, it felt very nostalgic, (errr maybe nostalgic isn’t even the right word, but it felt very well I guess innocent or authentic…something along those lines…)
The sadness, it felt very real. Like Michael said, the weird thing about it was that there was really not any story or concepts going on in my head, I was literally just crying for no reason at all, sobbing having no idea where all this grief is coming from, it just kept pouring out.
as I went on sobbing connecting to the innocence within me, I did think about my mom and dad and I too could feel/see their innocence and how they too were hurt as a child and imprinted, and this thought made me cry even more.
And it got to the point where it felt like it wasn’t even my grief anymore, it became the world’s grief, our grief, no story around it, it just felt like the sadness of the world, the painful predicament of unconditional beings born into a conditional world. The pain of the innocence facing the insensitivity of the adult world. The pain of radiating our unconditionality and not having it radiated back.
These are simply me trying explain the experience mentally, but what made this experience profound for me was the realness of this grief which I had no idea was within me, and the feeling of the child like self within me as well…. made me realize that we really are all children. And that child is full of this grief still, and as I allowed myself to cry and comfort myself, I too could feel another aspect of myself as the Parent, that is comforting my inner child, my emotional body. Emotional work really does put a whole new dimension on what it means to “love myself” and to take care of myself. I’m learning a whole new way of relating to myself…
This experience snuck up on me, I had intended it weeks ago but totally forgot about it, didn’t even plan or expect it to happen, so it feels like a gift. I’m very grateful for TPP and everything right now, for this experience. So I’m whispering to myself, to the Presence, to whatever god is for me… “Thank you…”