So this week of my group coaching with Destin Gerek has been focused on healing the relationship to the Divine Feminine, the one within and to the ones outside. I enjoyed the call and found more tidbits of value in various things Destin had to share. One guy expressed shame around his voice being too soft, too feminine, and Destin encouraged us to find our “true voice” – which has a certain relaxed tone (without the forced strain on it to make it more “manly” or whatever), and one thing that we can do is to intentionally play with our voice, he said he often finds that when he takes a deep breath, (and this even works to practice presence) and shifts his energies lower in the body that he often finds his voice lowers as well. I’ve been playing and exploring this all week and finding tremendous fun and value of it. It also reminds me of what this guy was talking about, listen near 6:20
Our homework this week was to release inner resistance of old pains, hurts, anger that we hold against the Divine Feminine so we can more step into our wholeness. The idea is that if we think of something and it bothers us, it’s ourselves that’s suffering, that’s not allowing us to be who we really are.
If as men we see the feminine as less than, or qualities that we should look down upon or be shameful about what does that say about our relationship to the women in our world and the inner feminine within us. Ultimately this forgiveness was about letting go of the internal resistance and creating healing within. I found that after I was done with this letter to the Divine Feminine, I just felt better, I was at a better feeling place. I went back to early childhood memories and felt like I got something off my chest as I expressed my apologies to that girl in middle school that expressed her crush on me, but I was too scared and probably caused her pain in the process. And of course, apologies to my mother was another big one as well.
One thing I did do before I began on the letter was to get myself into the vortex….finding that state of clear mind and centeredness…Once I got there, I just knew what I wanted to touch on.. anyway here’s my letter.
Posted on the Facebook group as well: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mens-Apologies-to-the-Divine-Feminine/158918134141565
“My apologizes to the Divine Feminine.
I’m sorry I rejected your kind and nurturing ways, for not appreciating your loving presence enough during my adolescent life. I was lost in my self created prison of fear, anger, and greedy desires as I began to buy into the BS of society and decide “there is something wrong with me” and I need to do something or make something happen in the outer world. I’m sorry I foolishly projected my own shame and anger on to you. You were always beutiful and manificent and inspiringly strong in your unconditional loving ways. I’m sorry I took you for granted in my life, without you I would have been so lost and destroyed.
I’m sorry I violently severed our connection between us as I hastely escaped to my “next stage of life”, I was only running away from my own uncomfort and fear of my own inner feminine. I had mistakenly thought pushing you away and isolating myself from you was the path to become a “Man”. Now I understand or really beginning to understand the tremendous value of your soft, soothing energies in my life. I’m sorry I’ve been blind for so long to these amazing qualities both from the outer and the inner.
I’m sorry I rejected your brave flirtatious ways. I was in so much fear to you that I acted as if I wasn’t interested. It saddens me greatly that I wasn’t authentic enough to show that I was. I’m sorry for the hurt that this may have caused you, I wish I could take it back and show you how I really felt.
I’m sorry for being so lost in my own mind chatter that I was not able to treat you like a human being. I’m sorry I saw and treated you as a “game” to play, an obstacle to overcome, as a measure of my own success as a man. I was coming from a place of much dis-empowerment and thought you were the fuel I needed to feel better about myself. I’m very sorry I treated you this way, as a natural resource. I’m sorry for my inauthentic behaviors to you just to prove things to myself or my peers. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, cherished and worshiped. Truthfully, you were(still are) my big inspiration for my growth and not this “stepping stone” of my path.
I’m sorry I projected my “mass media BS/social conditioning” on to you. I’m sorry I objectified you, treating you inappropriately, even joining my peers in our
discussion with the intent of putting you down so we feel better about ourselves. I realize this was only coming from our own fears and insecurities. I’m sorry in those moments I wasn’t able to express my truth, that is the awe and admiration I feel for the beautiful light you bring to this world. I’m sorry I projected my ridiculous expectations onto you… probably picked up from mass media, that you had to look a certain way, that you are this perfect creature without flaws, I’m sorry for judging you for showing the human imperfections, for sometimes holding those as my focus of attention when they are minescule compared to the amazing being that is you. I’m sorry for seeing you as weak when the truth is your strengths really blow my mind.
I’m sorry for the disrespect I have held against my own inner feminine, my judgement against these qualities in other men, especially the gays. I’m beginning
to understand that it is only that I am judging an aspect of myself that have caused me to throw negativity towards you. I honor your bravery to express
authentically who you are, an unique expression of the divine. I desire to begin making peace with those qualities and see the power and value in them.
I’m sorry for holding you as the source of my own self worth, self esteem, and happiness in my life. I’m learning that you are never the answer, and
you never were. I’m sorry for the greedy ways in which I treated our relationships, as a consumer for my own void that I felt that I had. I strive to be
the man that flows gifts outwards instead of taking, reaching, grasping… I’m sorry for acting that way. and I’m sorry for not appreciating the existing
presence of you that is already in my life, for not feeling the gratitude and instead feeling the lack and reaching out for more, only to realize as long as I
hold you as my source of happiness and fullfillment, I’ll never be satisfied. I want to make a promise with you that I’ll never hold you responsible for me feeling good.
It is my desire to learn and grow. It is my desire that I just appreciate and love you, The Divine Feminine, for the sole fact that I just love to do so and basking in the feeling of it, free from expectations, attachments, BS.
Thank you for this opportunity, I’m beginning to feel better already. I didn’t take much time to think or edit this apology, I just knew these were the main things I wanted to apologize for. I hope you find forgiveness for them and know that I was always trying my best.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your inspiring presence in my world. ♥ you lots. Peace.”