The Imagined Reality, What the fuck is Self Worth?

Reading a new blog post by SPG got me thinking and questioning a lot of things…, it’s about his realization on reality model in which we base our “personal value”.  His realization is about the “romanticized high school” model…this I’m sure we all are way too familiar with, as we see them on movies, television shows like on MTV, songs, magazines, etc.  The model that classifies people into different categories the jocks with hot girlfriends, the popular and unpopular kids, nerds, etc, etc.  And how this made up construct is somehow dictating people’s self worth and value.  The full blog post can be read here:

“I realized the whole paradigm was just an invention. I pictured the reality – that school, the perceived social structure, everything is temporary. Nothing is really “there.””

“there is no social structure, there is no status, there is no model. And it means it’s time to get on with living my life in my own way, to stop putting others on pedestals or in pigeonholes. And there’s a whole fucking LOT about “reality” that I haven’t the slightest clue.” – SPG

It got me thinking what the fuck is personal value and self worth anyways?  How much of this drive to become successful with women was driven out of my own sense of self worth based on this made up construct that I BOUGHT into?

I was not much of a partier in my high school days, I wasn’t chasing women back then.  I had a solid group of male friends and we all LOVED World of Warcraft, rather passionately lol.  I mean when I look back now do I feel pity for myself for doing that instead of parting and chasing girls?  I’m not sure, I was having a lot of fun playing that game with my friends, and now I have such a solid group of male friends back in my home town that I am sooo grateful for so I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.  Did I place higher value on others that partied in high school? Maybe.

I am sort of seeing college as a way of putting myself into different “category”.  Me along all my friends back then are now partying, socializing, getting success with women, and partying with the “popular group” of high school both male and female.  I live with 3 roommates that were “popular” in high school.  Have I placed more value on them and put them on pedestals? yeah I can say that I have…  When I hear them  talk about their stories in high school, Do I sometimes feel bad about myself because I am comparing and judging?  Yeah I do…  So there is an opportunity for release, and growth here…  It got me questioning… How much of this social construct am I buying into that is making me see myself as the “underdog”.  And causing me to view this journey as a “struggle” with the intention to overcome and prove people of my “self worth”?  And the whole fact that I was born in Japan, and I moved here as a minority, which the word itself is very interesting…it has caused me to feel inferior to white people at times… I have felt like the outsider trying to fit in, often selling myself short because I bought into the idea that being different or unique is a “bad” thing.  Often placing more value on others, and trying to “fit in” as a way to “hide” my uniqueness, instead of embracing them as great gifts.

The society idea that living as a minority is a struggle.  How much of this is really real?  Is there an actual actuality in the world “out there”?  How much of this is made real by our minds?

Sure discrimination exists, but can’t we just choose to just ignore that, instead of buying into “that construct” viewing ourselves as lesser people that “need to fit in”, the underdog, the struggling people…???

The more I think about it the more I’m thinking…”What a fucking joke!”.  Sure society still has “solid” things that express this construct such as media, cultural mindset, etc… but does this mean one has to buy into this reality and base our place in the world from it? Do we have to derive our personal worth and value from this construct, and place ourselves somewhere midway by comparing ourselves to others? The answer is FUCK NO. …Just what is personal worth and value anyways?  Isn’t that idea a construct of societies’ BS anyways?  Shouldn’t we all feel infinite amount of worth and value because we are a product of the divine?

This doesn’t mean I’m not gonna strive to become greater.  But I want to walk through this journey with the sense of great worth and value for myself just the way I am and still striving to become ever greater out of inspiration and love.  Not from a place of pity, jealousy, or unfulfillment.

-CP …e v e r y d a y

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