Original source: Transcript: http://onenessmovementflorida.org/Verbenia11-28-09.htm
“Bhagavan: Inner integrity is a tool to see what is happening inside us. It does not judge, it does not condemn it does not offer explanations. It is merely seeing what is going on. As you go inside, you’ll discover that there are terrible things inside you, There is fear, there is lust, there is anger, there is jealousy, there is envy, there is no love, there is no connectedness. You’ll see a lot of terrible things. You may not like what you see, but then, you must continue to see what is there.
Then you will discover that what is there is not only in you, but in every human mind. Not only in the human mind, but it has always been so ever since man came on the planet.
You will then discover that these are aspects of the human mind. It has been so for millenniums. The mind has not changed. The brain has not dramatically changed for the few millenniums. Fear is there. Desire is there. Anger is there. Jealousy is there, Love is not there, etc. Objects have changed but the structure has not changed. Might have been fear of the tiger earlier on and now fear of the stock market.
You’ll then discover that there is no change possible. When the impossibility of change strikes you, your mind falls silent. Without effort, without energy, you’ll find very naturally there is acceptance, followed by love and very soon it is followed by the presence. That is the connection between inner integrity and the presence.”
These teachings resonate with me and my life so much… and I see it as a direct reflection of what Michael Brown has been talking about…which I really didn’t understand at first but through trial and error I’m slowly beginning to realize.
I didn’t get it when Michael would say “you are not trying to get rid of anything, only to integrate it.”
“The more I tried to get rid of it, the more painful it got.”
These were the insights I did not like hearing from Michael Brown. They confused me and to be honest, frustrated me.
on one hand Michael talks about resolving your emotional charges but on the other he’s saying your not trying to get rid of anything… what is he talking about really? The issues I am facing, these terrible things, that I’ve been trying to “feel to heal”, “get rid of” …how long do I have to feel these things so I can be healed and ….’get somewhere other than this here now’??
(looking for that destination)
without even realizing it, my mind was using these things to get to another destination. Using the Presence Process as a tool to get me from somewhere other than right here, right now. I had cunningly used it to again get me what I think I need so I can feel better. “once I get rid of these things, I will feel better!”
“I want to resolve my issues.” “I want to heal.” “I need to heal” “How long is it going to take?”
“once I “be without condition” with this, I will get this resolved!”
“Ok let me respond to my heart, ok there’s a wound, that’s bad, so let me fix it!, Let me heal you!”
Insight reveals me that there were many moments where I was using “be without condition” as another form of doing… to accomplish something. To manipulate something into something else. Hindsight reveals that I was condemning certain “thoughts/feelings” as bad and using what I’d learned(even feel it to heal it) as a way to change what I was currently feeling into something else, into something I thought should be inside me.
In the article “Revelation of Being” Michael says “We are not be with it “to heal,” “to change,” “to transform,” “to feel better,” “to evolve,” “to cure,” “to know,” “to understand,” or even “to real eyes anything.””
I was thinking how can you not be doing this “being without condition” thing without trying to transform it ??? I mean I thought that’s what this work was about?!
I was revealed otherwise…
Life continuously proved to me “the impossibility of change”, The more I tried to get rid of my so called issues the more I struggled with the moment.
No matter how much I did anything, the same terrible things would still be there inside.
The futility of all effort to change really begin to dawn on me like a sobering, clear morning sun. I felt helpless. Then I became aware that I felt helpless. In moments where I wanted to die I became aware that I wanted to die. In moments where I had extreme hatred towards myself I became aware of that. I was beginning to see… In those moments of feeling helpless, I was actually saved. because I was no longer struggling with myself. I was just simply seeing what was there just as it was (all the ugliness). I was finally “Being” (I realized that through hindsight). Then I discovered that when I wasn’t struggling with myself, There was this sense of relief, then I really began to dip my toes into what is called Joy.
Life was teaching me what Michael Brown was pointing towards. “Just be with what is” I was finally started to value that as a real tangible thing.
I really like Sri Bhagavan’s take on this
“What is there is not at all important.” “Can you accept what is there?”
-The real problem was… was not in the content of my so called issues. but it was me running away from those issues. (Me trying to heal, fix, transform, get rid of, etc) That was the real cause of the distress.
This is the teachings coming out of my own life. I found one of my truths.
There is nothing to do. But to be aware.
Because with awareness came the joy. When I really saw what was there. I automatically began to accept it. And with that acceptance, I began to experience Joy. And even at times when I’m fighting what was there inside… I began to become aware of that inner conflict as well.
When I realize there’s NOWHERE to go,But become increasingly aware. then I’m truly being with what is. I’m Now Here.
(Side note: see I see a real synergistic beauty in combining Michael’s and Sri Bhagavan’s teachings. This awareness may lead to transformation and different things, for example it may lead to emotional cleansing and integration of family imprints which could improve family relationships, it may lead to more present moment awareness with all of its wonderful fruits, and the beautiful thing about Michael is that he explains this process, the downfall is that the ego turns all these things into a mental concept and makes it a goal to get to and reach for. We imagine things and how they work and try to “do” those things. When Michael’s true teaching is to come into the moment just as it is.
Sri Bhagavan I think realizes this weakness of the ego, so doesn’t bother with anything conceptual. He simply just points you to the present moment: “Just see what is there, that’s all” “You cannot change” “If there is jealousy, you stay with the jealousy.” “when you realize your heart is closed, you just stay with the fact that your heart is closed. That is the only truth. That’s all.”